Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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