To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
