before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You smell like stripper and shame
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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