Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
