if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
