i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if only i could text you this smell
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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