yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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