if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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