if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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