I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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