I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
