You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
