Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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