Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
