my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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