Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
