As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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