Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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