yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just puked most of my soul out..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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