tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
