I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
