just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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