i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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