I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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