My friends, they love my intelligence
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
