Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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