after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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