her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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