I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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