I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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