thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
