Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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