Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
