used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize