there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
