Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
