I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
