she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i believe in u and ur pee
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
