i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
