I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
