I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
