Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
