she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize