id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize