apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
