one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
