Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
