If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
