wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
