Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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