Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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