Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
