8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dignity is for republicans.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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