no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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