party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
