You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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