I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
