Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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