I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The power of my boobs compel you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
