I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
