there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
